i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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