Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
