R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
