how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
