When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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