dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
