I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
