Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
