I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
