Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
