im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
