how can u be prego again
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
