He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
