Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
