I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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