nut hugger
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
