is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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