you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
