There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
