I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
