Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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