the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
