Reggie can tackle my bush.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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