Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
