i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
