You smell like a Billy Joel song
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
