Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
