I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
