We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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