So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
