just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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