I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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