so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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