they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
