I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
