carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
