Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
