he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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