Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
