You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
3pm strippers are depressing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
