Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
