Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My vagina is officially offended.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
