these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she peed on how many people?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
