i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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