you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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