someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
