What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
