forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
