dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
