My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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