exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
