Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
