UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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