this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
