New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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